...or As the Pool Filters...
Okay, I'm really wiped out tonight, but I''ll try to get on tomorrow and write a scene from the soap opera that is my life. Seriously, today we had a lifeguard pull a shank on someone. Or offer a shank to someone. The report hasn't come in yet, but seriously, at no point in lifeguarding is there EVER a need to have a blade in your fanny pack.
The word "fanny" should indicate that no sharp object will ever go in there. Seriously. And yet one today, who was earing party pay, which is 12 bucks an hour, to lifeguard for 5 hours, pulled out a knife and offered it to a patron, either in a threatening manner toward the patron, which would be a pretty negative customer service behavior, or to share it with the patron, which would be generous, but also inappropriate.
I can't do my actual job for all these strange behaviors which are cropping up this year. It's INSANE.
But the jokes we make in the office after this kind of crap are pretty funny, I must admit.
I mean yesterday I had to handle an incident where a family decided to "swim at your own risk," in a neighborhood where that doesn't actually happen. We guard their pools, and they are locked, or supposed to be locked, whenever we don't have guards there. So somehow, the family got into the pool after school/work yesterday, and went for a swim. The water was lovely. The had a grand time. And then they tried to leave.
Only to find the gate was now locked.
Apparently it wasn't before.
And they were locked in. But not to worry, because some local kids saw them there and used a pokemon trading card to unlock the gate.
A trading card, people.
Meanwhile I'm trying to get swim lessons scheduled, and train 100+ lifeguards every weekend, all without going postal about the admin assistant I inherited.
Who believes that filing isn't very important, and "if you don't like the way I file, you'll have to do it yourself."
Yeah, she's a peach. A peach who's about to be unemployed.
But again, fodder for jokes, as we now "group" our filing by letters, rather than alphabetizing them. She did some filing work over in residential, where the filing cabinet has the letters A & B in one cabinet. C & D in another, etc. So those files... got grouped into A & B in one stack, and then on from there. Barnes comes before Andrews, and so forth and so on.
Maybe I should shank her with my trusty Pokemon trading card tomorrow?
Can you make a shiv out of a trading card...?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
My shopping list
The past few days haven't been normal. I've been busy as heck at work, but I've also been getting it done, and kicking butt along the way, so it's okay. It has led to some strange errands at strange times though. Whether for work for for home I've bought some odd stuff.
I'm thinking it's a pretty good list, actually. It compared to the ones I used to make in Iraq. I'd tell my staff something like "I"m going to need three cases of paper towels, a wading pool full of popcorn, and all the jello we can get our hands on," and then we'd have an event.
This isn't all for an event, but I finally made it over to the gun dealer to pick up the shotgun, for home protection. A shotgun won't do you any good either, without shells. And is it my fault the dealer is a family friend, and sent me home with cases of ammunition for various weapons? Who knew I was the way for him to get his freebies out of the store?
They all rode home just fine in the jeep, next to my pool test kit, because I'm tired of having chemical problems at pools and no way to test them. "Uhm, Keira.... my skin is turning white and bubbling." You're allergic to chlorine, and that level is through the roof, so go take a shower and thank you for not litigating. "Uhm, Keira.... someone just puked in the pool." That'll happen. Let's just see if there's enough chlorine in this one. "Uhm, Keira... the pool is green. Really green." Yeah, I won't even bother testing that one. We'll just change locations of the class for the umpteenth time.
So yeah, a shotgun, lots of ammo, a chemical test kit, a brand spanking new cookie scoop, to make the ultimate in cake balls, and a back seat full of lifeguard uniforms makes for an interesting day. I'd already dropped the chocolates at the house, which when combined with my Mom's trip to the store, gave us something like fifteen pounds of chocolate suitable for melting. I decided today wasn't the day to do any melting though, as I'm whacked out on sudafed from this cold I've caught (shut up, it's not the swine flu) that I'd have probably covered the shotgun shells without thinking about it.
- Nine pounds of chocolate
- 2 boxes of shotgun shells
- 400 fanny packs, in a stylish red color
- 4 more dive bricks, clocking in at 10 pounds each, which they shipped together, for reasons unknown to me
- A couple whisks from Williams "Overpriced" Sonoma
- Let's not forget the shotgun, either. Be scared, I'm a registered gun owner now
- Sudafed - massive amounts of sudafed
I'm thinking it's a pretty good list, actually. It compared to the ones I used to make in Iraq. I'd tell my staff something like "I"m going to need three cases of paper towels, a wading pool full of popcorn, and all the jello we can get our hands on," and then we'd have an event.
This isn't all for an event, but I finally made it over to the gun dealer to pick up the shotgun, for home protection. A shotgun won't do you any good either, without shells. And is it my fault the dealer is a family friend, and sent me home with cases of ammunition for various weapons? Who knew I was the way for him to get his freebies out of the store?
They all rode home just fine in the jeep, next to my pool test kit, because I'm tired of having chemical problems at pools and no way to test them. "Uhm, Keira.... my skin is turning white and bubbling." You're allergic to chlorine, and that level is through the roof, so go take a shower and thank you for not litigating. "Uhm, Keira.... someone just puked in the pool." That'll happen. Let's just see if there's enough chlorine in this one. "Uhm, Keira... the pool is green. Really green." Yeah, I won't even bother testing that one. We'll just change locations of the class for the umpteenth time.
So yeah, a shotgun, lots of ammo, a chemical test kit, a brand spanking new cookie scoop, to make the ultimate in cake balls, and a back seat full of lifeguard uniforms makes for an interesting day. I'd already dropped the chocolates at the house, which when combined with my Mom's trip to the store, gave us something like fifteen pounds of chocolate suitable for melting. I decided today wasn't the day to do any melting though, as I'm whacked out on sudafed from this cold I've caught (shut up, it's not the swine flu) that I'd have probably covered the shotgun shells without thinking about it.
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