Shivs, shanks and flip flops

...or As the Pool Filters...

Okay, I'm really wiped out tonight, but I''ll try to get on tomorrow and write a scene from the soap opera that is my life. Seriously, today we had a lifeguard pull a shank on someone. Or offer a shank to someone. The report hasn't come in yet, but seriously, at no point in lifeguarding is there EVER a need to have a blade in your fanny pack.
The word "fanny" should indicate that no sharp object will ever go in there. Seriously. And yet one today, who was earing party pay, which is 12 bucks an hour, to lifeguard for 5 hours, pulled out a knife and offered it to a patron, either in a threatening manner toward the patron, which would be a pretty negative customer service behavior, or to share it with the patron, which would be generous, but also inappropriate.
I can't do my actual job for all these strange behaviors which are cropping up this year. It's INSANE.
But the jokes we make in the office after this kind of crap are pretty funny, I must admit.
I mean yesterday I had to handle an incident where a family decided to "swim at your own risk," in a neighborhood where that doesn't actually happen. We guard their pools, and they are locked, or supposed to be locked, whenever we don't have guards there. So somehow, the family got into the pool after school/work yesterday, and went for a swim. The water was lovely. The had a grand time. And then they tried to leave.
Only to find the gate was now locked.
Apparently it wasn't before.
And they were locked in. But not to worry, because some local kids saw them there and used a pokemon trading card to unlock the gate.
A trading card, people.
Meanwhile I'm trying to get swim lessons scheduled, and train 100+ lifeguards every weekend, all without going postal about the admin assistant I inherited.
Who believes that filing isn't very important, and "if you don't like the way I file, you'll have to do it yourself."
Yeah, she's a peach. A peach who's about to be unemployed.
But again, fodder for jokes, as we now "group" our filing by letters, rather than alphabetizing them. She did some filing work over in residential, where the filing cabinet has the letters A & B in one cabinet. C & D in another, etc. So those files... got grouped into A & B in one stack, and then on from there. Barnes comes before Andrews, and so forth and so on.
Maybe I should shank her with my trusty Pokemon trading card tomorrow?
Can you make a shiv out of a trading card...?