Shopping for real

So I went shopping today for real. There was none of that "as seen on TV" stuff involved, except at Spencers, and well, what do you expect from Spencers?
Anyway, today was the annual trek I make with my friend Wobby to do the last minute Christmas shopping. I'm usually done, and come to think of it, we usually do it on Christmas Eve. It's more fun to see the masses of humanity on the 24th, for some reason, as they go after those last minute gifts. I had a list of zero things to get, and he had about three, all at the same store.
We hit the mall early, about 10:30, and it was already building quite the crowd. I haven't been in a mall for more than a hit and run on one particular store in years. Today we ambled though.
We probably annoyed the heck out of the other shoppers, because unlike them, we were in it for the adventure. And those shoppers were so not mellow like they are on Christmas Eve. I guess this is the frantic weekend, where they try to cram it all in, whereas the night before Christmas, they've given up on the stress and figure they'll get what they get, even if it is a holiday sweater sold at 90% off. Attitude makes the difference, is all I'm saying.
Wobby and I must have spent an hour sniffing candles in Illuminations. Then we went upstairs and sniffed some more at the Yankee Candle Company. I think my nose malfunctioned though, because by the time we made it to TarJayyyyyy (that's French for Target) I couldn't even smell the popcorn. That was nearly tragic, but my nose recovered, thank you.
So yeah, shopping on Christmas Eve seems to be more fun than shopping the weekend before. I'll have to do a comparison study and find out. Meanwhile, Merry Christmas everyone!

Great eggs every time - I'm so excited!

Please note right over there, by the red arrow, it says to add the required amount of WATER and use the switch if you're tired of boiling eggs.

Scuse me, but isn't that how you boil eggs already? And you don't have to store the damned thing under your kitchen counter either.

Also, who makes boiled eggs for parties? Because I want to go and see that party. Please can I be invited? Please?

Fun Factory Butter

Just so you know, I've never found butter so hard it destroyed my bread. Because you know, when I take it out of the fridge, where I store my butter, instead of the deep freezer, I give it some time to warm up before I spread it. And if I absolutely cannot wait, Hints from Heloise taught me how to nuke a stick of butter ever so delicately to get that nice, soft spread.

Now give your daughter back her playdoh toys and stop drinking gin while you cook dinner...

A six year old will do it for less money

That's right... you can spend 9.95 plus 6.95 on packaging and handling. Please note that it does not say SHIPPING and handling... you're paying 6.95 for the box. God only knows what they're going to charge you for the shipping, since right over there, you can pay an additional five bucks for express processing.

It's like getting front cuts in line at school!

The Slanket!

It says right there, down at the bottom, that this is the best blanket... ever!

Hey, if I use a lot of periods... and exclamation marks... can I claim that this is the best blog ever!!!!!!

Yeah, doesn't work that way, does it?

More crap no one needs to own

As if the damned snuggie wasn't enough, it turns out there is another one just like it, going head to head. I give you... the slanket.

Seriously. It’s gone too far. Just too far.

And now my boyfriend is threatening to give me one. He’s threatening to be single, is what he is, if he does that. Actually no. He’s not. He’s threatening a real, straight up “we’re getting married” with a specific date and all, if he does that, because I'll put him on the spot faster than a four year old does Santa Claus.

Who knew the as seen on TV stuff equaled marriage proposals? But then again, he’s the man who straight up told me that he’s actually used Ginsu knives, so he should expect this.

So the discussion of the aforementioned snuggie and the slanket (what the hell is up with that name, anyway?), I had to go look online. And naturally, there were some shopping suggestions made just for me. Including this one: caulk away.

You know what I use to remove old caulk? A six year old. That’s right. Whether I want the old caulk removed or not, the six year old niece is just going to get right in there and “accidentally” pull it off. Especially if I act like I don’t want her to. Hey, it’s free labor, right? And I saved $9.95 plus ten thousand dollars in shipping and handling too. Bingo, baby, is all I’m saying.

And if the Smart Spin supposedly holds all my storage needs… why am I paying U-haul several grand a year?

Also, what the hell? You know someone ripped off their kid’s toy box for the original idea for this little gadget. And who really neeeeeeeeeeeeeds star shaped butter?

Being me, I’d expect the market for these products would go down in a tough economy. But I’m dead certain that this sort of stuff is absolutely flying off the shelves, because it sounds good. It’s hyped well. And if it breaks in 2 weeks, well, I can just go back to using the pots and pans I have to boil my eggs…

As Seen On TV

So in case you haven’t heard, I committed economic suicide and quit my job at camp just before Thanksgiving. I’m back in Texas, where I’ve come to learn I was paid so little that I could have qualified for food stamps. So as it turns out, it wasn’t much of an economic risk as I thought it was going to be.

Anyway, I’m back in Houston and have been getting my stuff sorted out. When I came home from Iraq, I sort of sorted it, because I moved to North Carolina shortly after I got back. This time around, I’ve been a wee bit more thorough, but not much, because I don’t really know where I’m headed to next, but that isn’t the point.

The point is… what the hell do we need a snuggie for?

Seriously, when did it become impossible for us to put on a sweater in our house that we now need a giant blanket with arms in it? Great big, baggy, oversized arms, no less.

And you want to convince me that this is good for my nieces, too? Hell, the little one would be swallowed whole by this thing. One size fits all? I don’t think so.

It’s a robe people. Worn backwards. It’s like a hospital gown on steroids, actually, because the damned thing doesn’t meet to wrap around, like a robe does. And I’m just saying that the action shot they have of the family sitting on metal bleachers outside all wrapped up in their fleece monstrosities…. You know that little old lady was bitching to high heaven about freezing her ass off and the little girl has some serious wounds under hers, too, from tripping over the damned thing.

And someone, somewhere, is making money off of this sh*t. C’mon people, we’re in a recession, but we’re not desperate enough to buy this crap. Just make a home made gift certificate for one home cooked meal, or a foot massage. Trust me, it’s a way better deal all around.

This as seen on TV crap has got to go is all I’m saying. Wasn’t the bedazzler good enough? Now we have to have the GeMagic tool. And just how hard is it, really, to turn a light switch on or off that we now have to have a remote control operated one that works through walls?

Now I can see the potential for mischief with that last one… but as a rule, it’s just not that freaking hard to go to a lamp and turn it on. Or off. Or on again. And if you really struggle with the little toggle switch, get a touch lamp. My grandma had one back in the 80s, and seriously, the dog could have worked that lamp with his nose. A remote control… not so much.

Time to turn off the tv, I think…