The Post Office

So I have this unwritten rule to always be nice at the post office. After all, they carry mail to places no one else will, and do it for pennies, too. Further, they get griped at constantly, sniped, like the clerk at the counter is personally responsible for the impending postal rate increase, or that they are the ones who decide how much bulk mail you're getting advertising discounted car washes and oil changes. The people at the counter work hard, and process a huge amount of mail for cranky people, so yeah, I always try to be nice.
Today though, the Post Office defeated me.
I've had a cold for a couple weeks, and then topped it off with the flu this past weekend. Today was the first day I've felt remotely close to human since the double whammy of germ warfare my niece accidentally waged on me, and so I bundled up the stuff I needed to mail and headed off to the local station.
I always expect to wait. I bring my own pen. I bring a spare pen. I complete my forms ahead of time, according to the postal website, and I am prepared.So the post office doesn't usually get to me.
I left feeling like I'd just relapsed with the flu.

"Hi, I need to mail this small flat rate box to an APO."

"Do you have your customs form?"

I held it up.

"There isn't a small flat rate box."

"Yes there is. This box is labeled a small flat rate box."

"No there isn't."

I turn the box over and show the USPS printed tag. Sho' nuff, small flat rate box was printed on it.

"How did you get this box? We don't have these boxes."

"I ordered it off the USPS website."

Disdainful sniff. "You need the other customs form."

I begin filling out the other customs form.

"Oh, wait. You might be able to use this form."

I continue filling out the other customs form.

"What is this? You can't mail this like this."

"It's called a Tickelope, ma'am, and it can be mailed as is. It's been approved by the Post Office at the manufacturers level."

"I don't know..... I think we have to charge you for a parcel for this, instead of a letter."

And then there was a conference.

Meanwhile, a full customs form was completed, and I stamped it, sealed it and stuck in on the small flat rate box I apparently wasn't supposed to have, because the post office didn't have it yet. A full sized form, by the way, covers that box, and it's sides, and the top, entirely. I hope you have a k-bar to break into that box, Doc.

"You have postage on this already. We're gonna have to charge you for a parcel, we think."

"Ohhh-kayyyy..."

"It's going to cost you at least another three dollars, and there isn't room for the postage on this, so you're gonna have to put it into an envelope and mail it. Unless you want me to rip your postage ... " She ripped the postage off, ripping the envelope....

"Ohhh-kayyyy...."

"You need a customs form for this."

I hand her the mini customs form.

She sticks it on the address side, decides she doesn't like it, peels it, and much of the address, off, and then turns it over. "Oooohhh, this is for the military! I hate to cover this up. Maybe we don't need a customs form after all....."

She crumples the customs form up, sticking it all to itself. Three seconds later.... "We need a customs form."

"You know what? Let's just mail this box. I'll take the other envelope home."

"No, we can do it!"

"No, you've already destroyed it. You ripped the envelope portion of it off when you peeled up the customs label, the stamps I had on it are useless now, too, and the whole thing is about ten dollars in the trash. I've had enough fun with this. Let's just finish up mailing the small flat rate box, please, and I'll be done."

Silence.

"You can fill out a complaint to have the stamps replaced...."

"No thank you."

Yeah, the post office beat me up one side and down the other today.

Shopping for real

So I went shopping today for real. There was none of that "as seen on TV" stuff involved, except at Spencers, and well, what do you expect from Spencers?
Anyway, today was the annual trek I make with my friend Wobby to do the last minute Christmas shopping. I'm usually done, and come to think of it, we usually do it on Christmas Eve. It's more fun to see the masses of humanity on the 24th, for some reason, as they go after those last minute gifts. I had a list of zero things to get, and he had about three, all at the same store.
We hit the mall early, about 10:30, and it was already building quite the crowd. I haven't been in a mall for more than a hit and run on one particular store in years. Today we ambled though.
We probably annoyed the heck out of the other shoppers, because unlike them, we were in it for the adventure. And those shoppers were so not mellow like they are on Christmas Eve. I guess this is the frantic weekend, where they try to cram it all in, whereas the night before Christmas, they've given up on the stress and figure they'll get what they get, even if it is a holiday sweater sold at 90% off. Attitude makes the difference, is all I'm saying.
Wobby and I must have spent an hour sniffing candles in Illuminations. Then we went upstairs and sniffed some more at the Yankee Candle Company. I think my nose malfunctioned though, because by the time we made it to TarJayyyyyy (that's French for Target) I couldn't even smell the popcorn. That was nearly tragic, but my nose recovered, thank you.
So yeah, shopping on Christmas Eve seems to be more fun than shopping the weekend before. I'll have to do a comparison study and find out. Meanwhile, Merry Christmas everyone!

Great eggs every time - I'm so excited!

Please note right over there, by the red arrow, it says to add the required amount of WATER and use the switch if you're tired of boiling eggs.

Scuse me, but isn't that how you boil eggs already? And you don't have to store the damned thing under your kitchen counter either.

Also, who makes boiled eggs for parties? Because I want to go and see that party. Please can I be invited? Please?

Fun Factory Butter

Just so you know, I've never found butter so hard it destroyed my bread. Because you know, when I take it out of the fridge, where I store my butter, instead of the deep freezer, I give it some time to warm up before I spread it. And if I absolutely cannot wait, Hints from Heloise taught me how to nuke a stick of butter ever so delicately to get that nice, soft spread.

Now give your daughter back her playdoh toys and stop drinking gin while you cook dinner...

A six year old will do it for less money

That's right... you can spend 9.95 plus 6.95 on packaging and handling. Please note that it does not say SHIPPING and handling... you're paying 6.95 for the box. God only knows what they're going to charge you for the shipping, since right over there, you can pay an additional five bucks for express processing.

It's like getting front cuts in line at school!

The Slanket!

It says right there, down at the bottom, that this is the best blanket... ever!

Hey, if I use a lot of periods... and exclamation marks... can I claim that this is the best blog ever!!!!!!

Yeah, doesn't work that way, does it?

More crap no one needs to own

As if the damned snuggie wasn't enough, it turns out there is another one just like it, going head to head. I give you... the slanket.

Seriously. It’s gone too far. Just too far.

And now my boyfriend is threatening to give me one. He’s threatening to be single, is what he is, if he does that. Actually no. He’s not. He’s threatening a real, straight up “we’re getting married” with a specific date and all, if he does that, because I'll put him on the spot faster than a four year old does Santa Claus.

Who knew the as seen on TV stuff equaled marriage proposals? But then again, he’s the man who straight up told me that he’s actually used Ginsu knives, so he should expect this.

So the discussion of the aforementioned snuggie and the slanket (what the hell is up with that name, anyway?), I had to go look online. And naturally, there were some shopping suggestions made just for me. Including this one: caulk away.

You know what I use to remove old caulk? A six year old. That’s right. Whether I want the old caulk removed or not, the six year old niece is just going to get right in there and “accidentally” pull it off. Especially if I act like I don’t want her to. Hey, it’s free labor, right? And I saved $9.95 plus ten thousand dollars in shipping and handling too. Bingo, baby, is all I’m saying.

And if the Smart Spin supposedly holds all my storage needs… why am I paying U-haul several grand a year?

Also, what the hell? You know someone ripped off their kid’s toy box for the original idea for this little gadget. And who really neeeeeeeeeeeeeds star shaped butter?

Being me, I’d expect the market for these products would go down in a tough economy. But I’m dead certain that this sort of stuff is absolutely flying off the shelves, because it sounds good. It’s hyped well. And if it breaks in 2 weeks, well, I can just go back to using the pots and pans I have to boil my eggs…