Crack Dip

I got an email from Belle the other night saying "If I didn't have to work in the morning, I'd drive down for some crack dip." Bold words, since she's in Colorado. But really, crack dip IS that good.
A long time ago, when I was a relative rookie to packing boxes for the deployed military, I made some new friends here in Houston. We got together, formed our own little group and did some huge fundraising and donation drives, all the while calling ourselves "Show Some Love Houston." Catchy name or not, it worked. We shipped thousands of oreos across Iraq, and made our own cookbook, too. I've got some of those around here somewhere, I'm sure. Well, actually they're probably in storage, along with most everything I want at the time. That's a whole other story though.
So we'd have planning meetings for our big drive. And one day I stopped at Chuy's, because I needed an Elvis fix. Okay, no, that's not true. I needed a Chihuahua fix. Okay that's not true either. I'm sure I was suffering from a salsa and chip imbalance after training lifeguards in the morning, so I stopped by Chuys, visited the Chihuahua bar while an Elvis impersonator did his thing, and ordered chips, salsa and creamy jalapeno dip.
That would be the official name for crack dip. The one it's recognized by in the the restaurant.
But that name doesn't get the job done, for such a good, holy moly trip for your tastebuds. Which is why Belle wanted to drive down from Colorado and Kim wanted to come up from the beach.
Seriously, crack dip is a combination of cool and creamy and hot and spicy. There are jalapenos to reach up, grab you by the collar and smack you around. There is cilantro to make you blink back into the world with it's fresh, bright citrus taste. And then the steady, dependable creamy ranch dressing flavor comes in to make peace in your mouth. Add a super thin, crisp, warm, slightly salted tortilla chip and it's an orgasm of food flavors.
My Mom, who has the wimpiest mouth in the world, and cannot handle a single thing hotter than paprika, loves this stuff. She cannot get enough. When we do happen to go Chuy's to eat, she won't even place her drink order until bowls of dip are on the table in front of her. And then she can't stop eating it, but it's so hot to her that she's slugging back a frozen margarita with it, like a beer chaser. It's awesome to watch, too, because she gets all flushed from the spices, but won't stop eating it.
Anyway, since most of you don't live near an awesome Tex-Mex restaurant called Chuy's, which serves an Elvis Presley Memorial Combo that has NOTHING to do with a fried pb & nanner sandwich, I thought I'd give you the recipe. Try it. No, really. Try it.

Crack dip:

16 oz sour cream - your choice on regular or light - but Elvis don't do light, lite, or anything else low fat, so make your choice
1 packet powdered Hidden Valley Ranch dressing mix - don't wimp out - use the real stuff instead of the store brand
1 bunch Cilantro or Chinese Parsley, if you live in a strange, strange world. And even if you think cilantro tastes soapy, give it a try. You'll thank me.
4 oz - diced jalapenos

Get out your blender. Dump in the sour cream and the ranch mix. Blend until mixed well. Separate 1/4 to 1/2 of the cilantro leaves from the stems. Throw the stems at the kids, the dog or the trash. Put the lovely, little green leaves into the blender. Blend in 10 second bursts. It will start to thin out the sour cream a bit, and add some green color to it. You'll see flecks of green, in addition to the greenish white color. Open up your can of diced jalapenos. Don't be a wimp. Dump in the juice and all to the blender. (Fine, if you're a wimp, pour off some of the juice and then add everything else to the blender. But know that I am disappointed in you and your wimpy tastebuds.) Blend again in 10 second bursts just until mixed. The jalapenos will mince up a bit, but if you blend too long, they'll disappear into the dip and become ghost spices that make your lips twitch for no apparent reason. That could be good if you don't like the people you're serving it to, but otherwise it makes for a boring dip. Pour it all into a bowl and let sit for 15 minutes before serving. If you can wait that long. Toss your tortilla chips in the microwave for 30 seconds or so, to warm them up, and chow down.