My DVR makes me feel guilty...

Can I really be the only person with this problem? Up until a year ago, when I wanted to watch something on television, I got myself there at the time it was schedule. Or I simply didn't watch it. Because there are always summer reruns, as a great chance to catch up on watching all the stuff I missed. And if that didn't work, well hell, I could drop it into Netflix and make it happen that way.
I actually caught up on a lot of TV when I was in Iraq, that way, now that I think about it. There was a place where I'd fall asleep with a season of something or other in the dvd player next to my bed. It was either that or listening to the stupid computer generated announcements coming out of the command post all morning until I finally fell asleep. Bones and House were a much better choice.
Anyway, now that I'm home, both from the sandbox and from North Carolina, I've got a DVR. So I program it to record a bunch of shows I would formerly have tried to squeeze into my evening. Not a ton, though I could totally be a TV junkie, if I let myself, but about one show a night. And this is good. This is convenient. This is awesome.
I can have my life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, and a DVR full of stuff I intend to watch.
No really, I do.
Of course I said that four months ago, too, when I started recording.
Meanwhile, the damned thing just makes me feel guilty. I find myself turning the tv on when I have a couple hours free, but not really free, and trying to power through some shows. High speed, blow through the commercials, and then enjoy the show.
Or in my case, turn something on, get distracted by life, and end up walking away, only to find out the tv shut off the program for me. I swear I use the sleep timer more during the day on my tv than I do at night.
So, what's on my DVR right now....
I'm totally going to watch Home Alone with my nieces, I swear. Just as soon as they start having more than a half hour free. And maybe when it gets cold again, so the Christmas carols they'll be inspired to sing make sense. Or maybe not. Who cares about making sense.
Ace of Cakes - awesome. So awesome I've got 6 episodes on there. It's CAKE, you idiot - delete the damned show and just look at the pictures online of their latest cake creations. Hell, Bakerella at least makes cake pops. I love me some fat, chubby, Jewish baker dude, too, but obviously not that much if I've let this many episodes stack up.
It's right next to Unwrapped, too, which proves I might have an unhealthy obsession starting with the Food Network. Does anyone really need to know the secrets of fiery food, anyway? I'm pretty solid the secret to making things hot when you're cooking is to add some sort of spice. Usually in the form of a pepper, be it fresh, pickled, dried or ground.
And to round out the trifecta of shit I won't actually watch unless I'm awake at 2 am again and bored.... Diners, Drive ins and Dives. Buddy, your name is Guy Ferry. After the boat. Not some trumped up version of whatever you want to call yourself now, on those stupid TGI Friday's commercials that annoy the hell out of me. Fiiieedty is what it sounds like. And it sounds bogus. Besides, how much fun is it really, for the rest of the world to watch you eat? That show is totally coming off the record schedule.
Oh, sweet! A Muppets Christmas movie! You're jealous. I'm jealous. Christmas in April... that works, right? Although right now is probably not the best time to listen to Miss Piggy, Kermit is totally my buddy. It's not easy being green....
Some of this stuff just makes me wonder why I ever recorded it, anyway:
Shanghai Noon - seen it
John Pinette: I'm Starving - he's funny as hell, but I have a CD of his already, and a DVD he autographed and gave to me over in Iraq.
Undercover Blues - seriously, I don't even remember what that's about....
Two If by Sea - Dennis Leary and Sandy Bullock argue about stealing stuff that doesn't belong to them.
Juno - if I haven't bothered to see it by now, I probably never will. Teen pregnancy - woooo
Runaway Bride - Julia Roberts' oversized lips can leave my recorder now, thank you very much
Hitch - because Will Smith being a matchmaker is soooo believable. The man fell in love and got married when he was what, twelve?
America's Sweethearts - oh look Julia Roberts is trying to take over my DVR. Denied!
Bewitched - when Will Ferrell plays the straight man we're all in trouble. And if you haven't seen his HBO special salute to George W. Bush, it's worth signing up for the channel now. Run, don't walk. Seriously.
Man of the House - Tommy Lee Jones takes on college co-eds. Uh huh. That's believable.
Taking Chance - *sniffffffffffff* You can stay.
The Waterboy - You can leave
Love Stinks - yes it does, and so does this movie
Always - or until you die and go to heaven and have to help me fly a plane full of water over my smokejumper boyfriend I replaced you with
Made of Honor - McDreamy has to do something in the off season.
Nim's Island - I'll catch this one, I swear. Might take me 6 more months, but I'll watch it.
Ghost Hunters and the X-Files - I must have been whacked out on sinus medication when I started recording these.
Burn Notice - yessssssssss. Burn Notice is still fun, thank you USA network.
Big Love - Polygamy is fun, yayyyyyyyy!
The Pacifier - that's it, I must be recording this stuff in my sleep. Vin Diesel (what the hell kind of made up name is that, anyway) as a Feebie playing a babysitter. Uh huh.
House - a smart assed, sarcastic, sardonic person who usually turns out right, and doesn't admit it when he's wrong. I'm in love with House.
Kings - I thought I'd give it a shot, but really, a crown of butterflies? You're going off the schedule posthaste.
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency - I have no idea, but I figured I'd give the Botswanaian detectives a shot. Even if it is made up. On HBO.

No more will I feel guilty because of my DVR!
Retarded, sure, for each time I forget I'm actually watching a recorded show and fail to fast forward through the commercials, but never guilty again!
*mutters* stupid DVR is supposed to make my life easier, not harder....