Immediately. If any one of my past, present or future boyfriends was in town, I'd have one of them do the honors. They'd love this job.
You see... there's a thieving bastard in the strawberry patch. And I just know he'll keep it up, too. So he has to leave.
You can see by his remorseless expression that he has been plotting the downfall of the garden since it went in last month. And I for one will not have it. Not at all.
What is worse though, is that this dude is living in the garage attic. It would be one thing if he'd clean the joint up, and pay rent, but he's been kiting checks and trashing the joint. I think he and the squirrels have had more than one keg party, too, given the state of the garage attic.
I do have to give him points for agility though, because he's like an acrobat each time he comes and goes from the attic apartment. See, we have an open beamed back porch. Since the last porch roof had been finished, and it leaked, and rotted, and a whole bunch of other crap no one would care to remember, the new porch roof has exposed rafters. It's these rafters he tiptoes across, after scaling a 4x4 to get up there in the first place. Up is easy, but he also goes down headfirst. That's what gets him the points.
Brazen.
And all I can say is this better be a male. And he better be single. Or homosexual. Because any pups, kits, babies or whatever the hell you call them are not welcome here. Not having it. Not at all.
Eviction will be swift. And it better be painless. At least on my part.
Anyone who wants to come and handle this matter better be here by Tuesday.
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